53.

Reading the news, today, you know- just doing what i do, when I had a brainstorm that could earn me millions of dollars:

In other news:

UN backs Georgia over drone claim

Whatever. I mean I highlighted the important part for you:

• A Russian jet did shoot down an unmanned Georgian drone over the breakaway Georgian region of Abkhazia last month, UN monitors say.
• The jet flew back into Russian airspace after the attack, a UN report says.
• Russia has denied the charges – even though Georgia’s defence ministry released video appearing to show a Russian MiG-29 shooting down the drone.
• Tensions over Abkhazia have soared, with Georgia and Russia accusing each other of a military build-up.
• Moscow accuses Georgia of preparing to invade its breakaway region, where many residents hold Russian passports.
• Georgia says Russia is preparing to annex the region.
• Please turn on JavaScript. Media requires JavaScript to play.
• Georgia’s air force commander shows footage that allegedly shows a Russian aircraft shooting down the Georgian plane
• Georgia accused Moscow of an “act of international aggression” after the drone was shot down on 20 April.
• It released video, which it said was recorded by the drone itself, of a fighter plane approaching it and then launching a missile in its direction. The picture then went dead.
• A Russian air force spokesman said the claim was “nonsense”, while Abkhaz rebels said they had downed the drone.
• They have since claimed to have shot down several more.
• But a report by UN monitors based in Abkhazia, released on Monday, said radar records showed the plane had flown into Russian airspace after the attack, and with no “compelling evidence to the contrary, this leads to the conclusion that the aircraft belonged to the Russian air force”.
• Russia’s defence ministry rejected the UN’s findings.
• However, the report also criticised Georgia for operating reconnaissance flights over Abkhazia, which it said breached the terms of the ceasefire deal that ended the Abkhaz war of the early 1990s.
• On the same day, Russian President Dmitry Medvedev sent greetings to Georgia on its independence day, and expressed a wish for “constructive co-operation between our countries”.
• “I sincerely wish peace and prosperity to the Georgian people, with which we have century-old ties of friendship and spiritual kinship,” his message said.

Here’s a link with a map: I had no idea where Abkhazia was. Once again proving my theory, Germans love David Hasslehoff? Who the fuck knew that there was an Abkhaz war in the 90s? I didn’t even realize there was a place called “Abkhazia” until I read this article about the Georgia drone.

Realistically, American-dialect linguists studying the African American English Vernacular (thus seizing up on the “Georgia drone”) out there were likely confused by the title of the article and had the same shocked expression that I did: There’s an Abkhazia? When did this happen? Was this part of Hasselhoff singing on the Berlin wall? WTF? Where are my weapons of mass destruction?! ::scared/shuddering:: … I need Jesus. …

Whatever. Fine! I’m a dumb American! But I’m trying to educate my readership! But they might have already known it… I guess I’ve admitted how ignorant I am by keeping this blog going. No need to reinvent the wheel, here.

THIS, however was my favorite story:

It involves-

1. A renegade cop,
2. trying to do more than his position requires,
3. and fucking up royally
4. all in feudal China …
5. I lied about number 4.

• Cannabis blunder at Tokyo airport
• An unwitting passenger arriving at Japan’s Narita airport has received 142g of cannabis after a customs test went awry, officials say.
• A customs officer hid a package of the banned substance in a side pocket of a randomly chosen suitcase in order to test airport security.
• Sniffer dogs failed to detect the cannabis and the officer could not remember which bag he had put it in.
• Anyone finding the package has been asked to contact customs officials.
• “This case was extremely regrettable. I would like to deeply apologise,” said Narita International Airport’s customs head Manpei Tanaka.
• Strict laws
• The customs officer conducted the test on a passenger’s bag against regulations. Normally a training suitcase is used.
• “I knew that using passengers’ bags is prohibited, but I did it because I wanted to improve the sniffer dog’s ability,” the officer was quoted as saying.
• “The dogs have always been able to find it before… I became overconfident that it would work,” he said.
• Japan has strict laws against drugs and possession of small amounts of cannabis can lead to a prison sentence.

-Way to go, asshole! The one unanswered question for me was: Where’s the weed coming from? Was this a ‘personal’ stash? Funnier if so.

And as if the Italians didn’t already have it good enough with their beaches and hot females:

An Italian oasis in Afghanistan

By Alastair Leithead BBC News, Sarobi, east of Kabul

• The mortar bombs and rockets were laid out in a line as evidence for visiting journalists that the 140 Italian soldiers in the small, isolated base up on the hill and out of harm’s way are actually winning.
• “They were discovered because local people told us where they were hidden,” explained Captain Mario Renna. He says this proves the people of Sarobi, east of Kabul, trust their friendly neighbourhood Italians.
• They have even been bringing opium poppies in to be burned – but that’s perhaps more to do with a zero-tolerance governor cracking down on opium this year.
• Forty nations make up Nato’s International Security Assistance Force (Isaf) and each has a slightly different approach to fighting the counter-insurgency.
• “In my opinion things are going quite well here because our patrols, our men are spending a lot of time on the ground,” Captain Renna said.
• “Every day they are engaging the local leaders, chatting with them, exchanging views and opinions – they are assessing villages to see what their needs are.”
• And if success is measured by attacks on international forces, things are indeed going well – only one Italian soldier has been killed in an ambush this year.
• Common strategy
• We take a ride into town. The engine of the armoured vehicle roars into life, the gunner poking his head out of the top hatch loaded his large calibre machine gun and the convoy rolls out of its hilltop fort and heads down the valley.
• It is a common strategy among international forces – drive to the bazaar, go on a foot patrol, chat to people, meet the elders, find out what they want and then give it to them, whether it be a new road, a clinic, a school, or in this case a $200,000 library.
• It’s a beautiful two-storey building – the carpenter was planning the new bookshelves in a reading room with a wonderful view over Sarobi’s lake.
• A local government administration building is already in use and the new road makes travel through the district from Kabul to Jalalabad and on to the Pakistan border so much more palatable.
• But it was hard to read the faces of the turbaned locals in the market – staring at the Italian troops with their stylishly designed uniforms.
• One young shopkeeper spoke perfect English: “I think security is much better when the Italian soldiers come here and do their patrols on the streets of Sarobi,” he said.
• Others were more sceptical, saying only the local police and governor had been given any development projects and the security was fine in town, but bad everywhere else.
• But with wheat prices going through the roof the Italian food aid appears to have won over a lot of people, for now at least.
• Icons of development
• Next stop was a mobile medical clinic in one of the villages – represented by a little red cross on the large-scale map of the district which meets visitors to the Italian base.
• Scattered across it are icons representing development – little taps for wells, sacks of food, small bridges, and a couple which took some explaining, but represented veterinary clinics.
• Stomach pain and arthritis were the main complaints at the improvised clinic and pills were liberally distributed while the military officers headed inside for a small shura, or meeting with the elders.
• Over kettles of green tea and plates of nuts and biscuits a white bearded man began with gushing thanks and wound up asking if an awful lot more could be done.
• It was all noted in a little book with an apologetic “we are doing an awful lot already”.
• The Italians say that since they slowly started “engaging” with the locals in the winter they have been making a lot of progress.
• But local leader Jamil Fedaye said the problem was the short time the soldiers stay here – as soon as trust is built up they leave and new commanders arrive.
• Relatively safe
• “This is difficult for them because very quickly they change – after five months they go and are replaced by new soldiers. If they come for one year that would be good,” he said.
• So why is Sarobi perceived as being different to everywhere else and sold as such a success story?
• It could be the Italian nature and their engagement with local people, but in reality this area is nothing like Helmand or Kandahar.
• There are criminals in Sarobi but the insurgency here is not strong – it is a relatively safe area and what Italian forces are doing is keeping the peace rather than trying to create a stable environment from lawlessness and chaos.

Who the fuck builds a $200,000 library in Afghanistan? They have a literacy rate of 28% !! Whatever, signore, you just eat your biscotti and meet with the elders who tell you what they want: Autonomy from America’s international imperialism? Hoping I’m on a government list, now, somewhere; with world news in a minute or twenty-

PS- last night I discovered that my elementary-school pal began swinging with his wife. He had crazy stories already, and they’ve only just begun!

A Nonymous